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Being too shy, scared, nervous, etc. to say no to something like an uninvited wedding guest can cost you emotional stress, money that puts you over-budget, and even temporary or lasting negative feeling toward the person. Read through this entire post and you’ll have the tools to handle the uninvited wedding guest, saving yourself from stress and the like.
Determine Why The Uninvited Wedding Guest Invited Themselves
The first thing you need to do is figure out why an uninvited guest has RSVP’d to your wedding. Did you somehow lead them on about the wedding? Did you once tell them they would be invited? If that’s the case, you might want to bite the bullet and let them attend.
If you can’t see any reason why you might have created this situation for yourself, read on!
Make a Decision and Be Confident about It
Decide with your fiancé if you’d ultimately want the uninvited guest at your wedding. If not, stick to that decision and be confident about it. If you’re not totally confident, you may cave at the slightest bit of pushback. It’s your wedding, not theirs.
Turning Down the Uninvited Wedding Guest Tactfully
Always, always approach the uninvited wedding guest when you have a clear head. Do not, by any means, call them up when you’re angry, upset, or irritated. Wait until you’re 100% calm (good advice for any confrontation in life).
Here’s a sample script of how I would handle the situation in person or over the phone (email doesn’t convey your tone, so I think verbal is always best):
Hi (Uninvited Guest), how are you? I received your RSVP for mine and (groom/bride’s) wedding. Do you have a few minutes to chat about it? Great!
As I’m sure you know, weddings are an incredibly special event for the bride and groom. (Fiancé) and I were surprised to receive your RSVP because we weren’t able to include you on our guest list. I’m so sorry to tell you that we won’t be able to accommodate/have you at the wedding, as much as we would love to have you with us.
[Optional: You can tell them it’s because of venue size, budget, etc. as long as you’re honest. Don’t feel the need to give excuses, though, as it could give the uninvited guest a way to wiggle back in and weakens your stance.]
I’m sure you can understand and we would really love to get together with you once all of the wedding craziness has died down.
Yes, This Might be Uncomfortable
This isn’t an easy situation to handle, unless you’re used to confrontational problem-solving. Knowing that your discomfort is normal should help ease the pain of uninviting the uninvited guest. It might make you feel anxious or cause you to second guess yourself; however, I promise that in a few hours or a day or two, you’ll move on and add a life skill notch to your belt!