August 8, 2019

How to Handle the Uninvited Wedding Guest

Being too shy, scared, nervous, etc. to say no to something like an uninvited wedding guest can cost you emotional stress, money that puts you over-budget, and even temporary or lasting negative feeling toward the person. Read through this entire post and you’ll have the tools to handle the uninvited wedding guest, saving yourself from stress and the like.

How to Handle the Uninvited Wedding Guest. What to do when someone invites themselves to your wedding and how to gently turn them down. 

Determine Why The Uninvited Wedding Guest Invited Themselves

The first thing you need to do is figure out why an uninvited guest has RSVP’d to your wedding. Did you somehow lead them on about the wedding? Did you once tell them they would be invited? If that’s the case, you might want to bite the bullet and let them attend.

If you can’t see any reason why you might have created this situation for yourself, read on!

Guests watching Bride and groom have fun while cutting their cake. Riviera Palm Springs Wedding by Cavin Elizabeth Photography 

Make a Decision and Be Confident about It

Decide with your fiancé if you’d ultimately want the uninvited guest at your wedding. If not, stick to that decision and be confident about it. If you’re not totally confident, you may cave at the slightest bit of pushback. It’s your wedding, not theirs.

Al fresco reception with round and long tables covered in blue and neutral velvet linen with crossback chairs. Round circular bar with wagon wheel market lighting covered in greenery smilax. A Wedding Photographer's Fairmont Grand Del Mar Wedding 

Turning Down the Uninvited Wedding Guest Tactfully

Always, always approach the uninvited wedding guest when you have a clear head. Do not, by any means, call them up when you’re angry, upset, or irritated. Wait until you’re 100% calm (good advice for any confrontation in life).

Here’s a sample script of how I would handle the situation in person or over the phone (email doesn’t convey your tone, so I think verbal is always best):

Hi (Uninvited Guest), how are you? I received your RSVP for mine and (groom/bride’s) wedding. Do you have a few minutes to chat about it? Great! 

As I’m sure you know, weddings are an incredibly special event for the bride and groom. (Fiancé) and I were surprised to receive your RSVP because we weren’t able to include you on our guest list. I’m so sorry to tell you that we won’t be able to accommodate/have you at the wedding, as much as we would love to have you with us. 

[Optional: You can tell them it’s because of venue size, budget, etc. as long as you’re honest. Don’t feel the need to give excuses, though, as it could give the uninvited guest a way to wiggle back in and weakens your stance.]

I’m sure you can understand and we would really love to get together with you once all of the wedding craziness has died down. 

Wedding ceremony captured on film in a garden setting with palm trees and a floral arch with blush and ivory flowers. Wedding at Humphreys Half Moon Inn by Cavin Elizabeth Photography 

Yes, This Might be Uncomfortable

This isn’t an easy situation to handle, unless you’re used to confrontational problem-solving. Knowing that your discomfort is normal should help ease the pain of uninviting the uninvited guest. It might make you feel anxious or cause you to second guess yourself; however, I promise that in a few hours or a day or two, you’ll move on and add a life skill notch to your belt!